Marigold’s Birth

We prayed and planned and dreamed of having a fourth baby ever since we had such a beautiful birth and postpartum with our third. I had a unmedicated hospital birth with her. It had changed my perspective on birth and my own body’s design. 

My pregnancy with Marigold was a challenge for our family. My first trimester this time around was very difficult. I had severe morning sickness that caused me to need a good bit of extra support. I struggled to stay hydrated and I lost weight. I was so blessed to have friends and family to bring meals, help watch the kids, and even clean our home during that season. I felt God providing and loving us through His children. 

That became a lesson I got to learn through her pregnancy and birth. God holds us and gives us glimpses of His love for us daily. We are so often distracted or fail to notice. The Lord forced me to slow down during my pregnancy and see many things He intentionally placed in my life. 

As I got closer to the end of my pregnancy and planned for my home birth I tried to cultivate this lesson. I made my birth space as peaceful and beautiful as I could – filling it with scriptures, art and music. 

“Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, In His arm He will gather the lambs And carry them in His bosom; He will gently lead the nursing ewes.” Isaiah 40:11

I knew He would hold me through my birth just as He had through my pregnancy. As a mother, I wanted to echo that love in the way I loved my baby. I wanted to hold my baby, wrapping them in a safe, unconditional love. 

The last few days of my pregnancy I cleaned my house and cooked a few more freezer meals. I was so ready for labor to begin. On Saturday the day before Easter, I had an urge to clean everything and have the house all ready. We put the kids to bed early that night and then my emotions came. I had a good cry and talked through the hormones and anxieties of motherhood. “Could I be a good mother to four kids?” Jordan listened and held me. I had to work through those emotions and came out the other side feeling at peace and ready to trust God during our next stage of parenthood. 

That night I had crazy dreams and woke up several times with contractions. I had a few rounds of prodromal labor the week before so I was not convinced this was the real thing. But at 4:00am I got up and realized these surges were stronger and more frequent. I woke up Jordan and called my midwife, my doula and my mom. Our older kids went over to my parent’s house next door. The house was still and quiet. I got in the shower. My contractions were about 3 minutes apart and strong. I wanted to get my mindset right. I prayed in the shower and asked God to hold me and be with me. The tears came and I was just so excited to finally be in labor. Soon after my shower Toni came and started bringing in supplies and setting up. Jordan and I slow danced to my birth playlist, which were mainly songs of prayers for my baby and hymns. If you know me well, you know my love for Fred Rogers so there were also some songs from Mister Rogers Neighborhood. “It’s You I Like,” “Tree Tree Tree,” and “There Are Many Ways to Say I Love You,” “Taking Good Care Of You” I wanted to welcome our baby with words of love. Into a family that would cherish them and protect them because God made them and loves them. 

My doula, Lauren Paige helped me find some positions that encouraged baby to move into a good position. It was so nice to have her thinking through that and sharing that mental load. She did hip squeezes and back massage during most of my labor. That helped so much. It allowed me to relax more and it diffused the intensity of the contractions. 

Through my surges I moved through sitting on the midwifery stool, squatting, all-fours, sitting on the toilet, standing in the shower… I talked to my baby a lot, telling them I was ready to hold them and nurse them. I sang with the hymns occasionally, praying within my heart and aloud. It was such a peaceful time.

I needed Jordan close. Every time I had a big surge I would grab onto him and it felt like I was sharing the energy of the contraction. He kept me grounded. He was my natural Pitocin and my natural pain reliever. His kisses and closeness kept my oxytocin going and my endorphins flowing.

The midwives respected that peace. Toni my midwife checked the baby’s heart rate intermittently, but was thoughtful to not interrupt the flow of my labor. She would sit in the floor or however she needed to reach my belly wherever I was in the moment. No rushing or pushing for me to lie down or stay in bed. The midwife team of four checked my vitals and baby’s in sync with the surges and space I was in. After a couple hours I started to feel tired and wanted to rest. I laid on my side and turned on my guided meditation tracks from Christian Hypnobirthing. These had scriptures and affirmations like “I trust God’s plan for my birth….I give my birth over to my Heavenly Father…I welcome increasing downward sensations that will bring my baby soon” This helped me relax and rest well. It was a sweet time to pray and meditate on God’s hand holding us. I knew He was holding us and I felt deep joy and gratitude. 

After my rest I ate some eggs for fuel and drank my homemade electrolyte and minerals drink. Ready to lean into my surges and see baby. My body was showing us signs that I was fully dilated. But baby was not in quite the right position yet. I started to feel more impatient. I was in transition but not as panicked as I thought I would be in transition. Whenever my breathing got fast, Toni would take a slow deep breath. I copied her and matched her pace and tone with my vocalizations. She guided me and showed me how to relax without even talking. 

I asked Toni to check my water bag. It was tight so I requested she break it. We all knew baby would come quickly after that. My hips and legs started to cramp up as I tried to lay on my back for her to break my water. The team worked together to massage my legs and hips with magnesium lotion. It felt like we were all working together to get the baby out. It felt like they were literally holding me. 

I rolled over onto my hands and knees. I started pushing. I felt her head coming down and my body opening. It was amazing. It felt like every part of me was doing exactly what it was supposed to. I knew I was about to see my baby and hold her. Toni caught her and placed her on the bed. I sat back and immediately picked her up. I placed her on my chest and saw that it was a girl. It was our Marigold. I cried and held her tight. She cried right away and pinked up well. I laid down in my bed and Jordan laid beside me. We just cried and showered her with kisses and love. We cuddled as she nursed. It was truly the most amazing feeling. The Lord brought her safely to my arms and to my heart. It was such a peaceful and worshipful birth. We rejoiced for new life and the faithfulness of God. 

Home birth and the midwifery model of care is a beautiful way to support families as they bring a new baby into the world. My midwife team fed me, cleaned my bathroom, did laundry, and nurtured me after. I’m loving the peacefulness of how postpartum can be after home birth. I feel like as my midwife poured into me and nurtured me, the better I can nurture my baby. It all comes so much easier when I had such thoughtful care meeting my needs.

Mini Quiche

Pre-bake your pie crust in a muffin pan for 10-15 minutes.

6 large eggs

1 cup half and half 

3/4 cup white cheddar cheese

1/2 cup chopped spinach 

1/2 chopped green onion 

1/2 cup chopped cooked bacon

1/2 teaspoon salt 

1/4 teaspoon pepper 

Mix up egg mixture, pour into rebaked pie crust and bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

Orange-Cranberry Scones

1/2 cup melted butter

1/2 cup sour cream

1/2 cup milk

1 tablespoon orange zest

1/2 cup raw sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon baking powder

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup dried cranberries

Icing:

1 cup powdered sugar

1-2 tablespoons orange juice

Whisk together melted butter, sour cream, milk, sugar, zest, salt, and baking powder. Stir in flour carefully not to over mix. When flour is almost incorporated, fold in cranberries. Pat out dough onto a floured surface. Cut triangle shaped scones and place on a parchment lined baking sheet. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until the bottom of the scones just start to brown.

To make icing: mix powdered sugar and a tablespoon or two of orange juice. Pour into a piping bag and pipe over cooled scones.

Pumpkin Pecan Scones

1 stick melted butter

1/2 sour cream

1/2 pumpkin purée

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup raw sugar

2 cups all- purpose flour

1/2 cup chopped pecans

Icing:

4oz cream cheese softened

3 tablespoons milk

1 cup powdered sugar

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Whisk together melted butter, sour cream, pumpkin puree, sugar, spices, salt and baking powder. Mix in flour and once almost incorporated, add in pecans. Be careful not to over-mix. Pat out dough onto a floured surface and cut triangle sized scones. Place on a parchment lined baking sheet. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until bottom of scones are just browning.

To make icing stir together cream cheese, milk, vanilla, cinnamon and powdered sugar. Pour into a piping bag and pipe over cooled scones.

Pumpkin Muffins

Pumpkin muffins are the mark of the beginning of autumn in our house. I love adding pecans, cream cheese or chocolate chips.

1/2 cup butter

1 1/2 cup of pumpkin purée

1/3 cup milk

1 cup raw sugar

2 eggs

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon cloves

2 cups all purpose flour

Add ins like pecan or chocolate chips

Mix wet ingredients with sugar until blended. Stir in the dry ingredients and spoon into lined muffin tins. Sprinkle add-ins if desired. Bake on 375 for 15-20 minutes.

Pumpkin Spice Syrup

This syrup is delicious in coffee or tea to add a little fall to your cup.

Fall themed drinks from Starbucks are expensive and have unwanted ingredients.

Make your own syrup with real ingredients.

1 cup water

1 cup raw sugar or coconut sugar

1/2 cup pumpkin purée

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

Add all ingredients into a saucepan and bring to boil to dissolve sugar and steep spices. Allow to cool and store in the refrigerator.

Nurturing Motherhood

When so many voices tell moms they need to just take a break or get away for self-care, what happens when it doesn’t help?

The weight of motherhood hits suddenly during pregnancy for some and for others soon after baby is born. The responsibility and deep love moms feel can cause stress and whirlwinds of worry that overwhelm their minds.

As a mother to three littles, I remember those first few days after each baby. Trying to navigate this new normal and finding my way to cope through this next chapter with the beautiful chaos postpartum often brings. We all have to mentally decide how we will come to terms with this weight.

With the soreness, the healing body, the exhaustion, hunger, brain fog, irritability, discomfort, lack of free time, distractibility.

Will we react to it all with frustration and drudgery, yearning for a break and rest?

It’s what our culture tells us moms really need. We need a break, me-time, help with the kids, a nanny, a pedicure, massage or to get back to work so she can feel “herself again.” But no matter how many showers or naps you take or outings you go on, you still feel drained and stressed and overwhelmed. Why is that?

Is there enough coffee, wine or spa days that would actually melt all the stress away?

Sometimes it’s not the spas, careers or even a full night’s sleep that we go-to to try to numb our anxieties. Sometimes social media tells us we need mental and emotional escape from the weight of it all.

When most of the time moms need the wisdom and tools to thrive where they are. They need strength and patience to obey in the little moments. To change the diapers, cook the meals, do the dishes, to nurture her home. She doesn’t need people reminding her how hard this phase is or that it’s normal to not like being with your kids. She doesn’t need people telling her she shouldn’t lose herself in motherhood. To work as if she isn’t mom and mother as if she doesn’t work 40hrs a week.

Maybe the answer is prioritizing your time. Maybe it’s looking beyond what the culture values and determining what you value. What does God value? Sometimes the answer is to stop trying to relax enough or getting enough self-care. Sometimes it’s realizing our own strength is never enough. We are supposed to be relying continuously on our Father. We are supposed to be following His calling. Not what the culture tells us success looks like. Sometimes successful motherhood seems invisible. No one sees, but baby. No one praises you, but your husband. Maybe it’s not about that. Maybe it’s trusting our Heavenly Father and where He has placed us. It’s seeing the sacredness of the mundane. Maybe it’s reprioritizing and rethinking your career. Maybe it’s just a mindset change. Maybe it’s finding the answer is pouring yourself into what matters most and letting go of the things that don’t.

Oatmeal Cookies

The best thing about this cookie is that you can pack a lot of nutrients into it. I love adding peanut butter too. It’s a wonderful postpartum snack because it gives you energy by replenishes calories, iron and fiber.

Oatmeal Cookies

1 stick of melted butter

2/3 cup raw sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoons cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 cup flaxseed meal

1 and 1/2 cup of old fashioned oats

3/4 cup of all purpose flour

1/2 cup nuts of choice. I like pecans

1/2 cup chocolate chips

Mix sugar, butter and egg. Stir in the remaining ingredients. Spoon onto cookie sheet and bake at 375 for 10 minutes. Freeze raw dough shaped into balls and bake as desired for quick prep.

Basil Quiche

This summertime quiche is perfect of busy families prepping breakfast. It can keep in the fridge for 4-5 days or can freeze for a month or two.

Pre-bake your pie crust for 10-15 minutes.

6 large eggs

1 cup half and half

3/4 cup cheddar cheese

1/2 cup chopped spinach

1/2 chopped green onion

One hand full of basil chopped

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

Mix up egg mixture, pour into rebaked pie crust and bake at 350 for 30 minutes.